


bedroom community

by vommitkiddo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, June Egbert - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Other, Swearing, Trans Female John Egbert, Trans Female Vriska Serket, june beats the shit out of dirk strider-the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:27:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24439663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vommitkiddo/pseuds/vommitkiddo
Summary: john feels nothing. Roxy has divorced him, and his friends are off living happy lives.that is, until a certain troll pair crash-land in his begonias.
Relationships: John Egbert/Terezi Pyrope, John Egbert/Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Comments: 12
Kudos: 65





	1. the screen is cold and distant

**Author's Note:**

> hey all, this is actually my first ever Homestuck fic!
> 
> i really wanted to see june go all-out pissed at dirk, and it kinda escalated from there!  
> enjoy!!!

It’s nothing.

You're used to nothing. You've built it up after years of being what other people wanted you to be. Your dad, vriska, roxy. Now you're perfect.

Your house is large, a four bedroom house that still feels unfamiliar, even after years of living here. Piles of garbage you forgot to take out line the halls, but otherwise it's empty. 

You find comfort in wandering around. You don't discover anything new, but is new so great? New hurts, it always hurts you badly. You rediscover the same nooks and crannies every day, and yet you never feel any more close. Not just to the house, but to the world as a whole. Fuck, you havent even talked to your friends in what feels like months. But that’s okay, you say to yourself, because they have lives now. Roxy’s a better parent than you could ever be, Rose and Kanaya are happily married, Dave and Jade are a happy couple. You feel like you ruined your happy ending.

EB: Sometimes I look inside myself and I hit this wall. 

EB: i can't tell if i put it up, or if someone else did. 

EB: i used to think it was natural, that the wall between my feelings and what i present outwards is something everyone has, and then 

EB: I met you 

EB: you were loud, a huge bitch. But you expressed yourself. 

EB: even if i didn't feel like i could be genuine with you 

EB: you were….. 

EB:........ 

EB: fuck. 

EB: i’m fucking pathetic. 

You do this every day, talking to the ghost of a girl who didn't give a shit about you.

Rose said it was a coping mechanism, to talk to someone who won't talk back. But it just makes you feel shitty.

You get up to do your daily walk around your house. Your bare feet slap against the wood paneling as you rub sleep from your eyes, padding into the bathroom.

You lose yourself in the ritual of shaving, the preciseness of it, getting every detail perfect. It brings back memories of that shitty bedroom community you grew upin, the creaky old floorboards and the smell of cake in the air.

With one last swipe of your razor, your clean shaven face stares back at you in the mirror. You throw the usual towel over it, until tomorrow morning when you’ll do it all again.

You go to the kitchen, putting your shaggy hair into a greasy ponytail. You like the feeling of hair trailing the back of your neck. 

You sip your coffee and wander around aimlessly , opening a window to feel the wind on your face. You close your eyes and feel the cool air caress you, blowing through your hair. You miss going for flights, but you feel like shit just going outside. A deep-seated feeling of terror, of being seen, always plants itself into the pit of your stomach. But you're safe now, you tell yourself. No one can see you when you can't even see yourself.

You walk out into the garden, a wide expanse of perfectly-trimmed vegetation, not an error in sight. Rose helped you plant the lobelias in the corner when you first moved in, and you still water them occasionally. You walk over to them, your bare feet feeling the cool grass beneath them.

You look at the petals, a lovely cerulean blue. You don't know why, but you have the compulsion to put a petal on your tongue, your dad used to say it would make your eyes more blue.

But he’s gone, and the world where you used to believe stupid things like that is gone.

You do it anyway, letting the petal sit in your mouth, your taste buds numb. You chew, the flower's blood trailing down your chin, and you want to cry, because you never got to tell him you loved him, you never got to say goodbye to that boy you used to play videogames with, to that girl who gave you a paper heart for valentines day, to the people you could have met but never did.

You don't cry. You wipe the flower juice from your chin and head back inside.

\-----------------------------------

You stare blankly at your computer screen, transfixed with old conversations before getting a notification. You almost jump out of your seat when you see who it is.

GC: JOHN. 

GC: COM3 ON, FUCK1NG P1CK UP. 

EB: terezi? 

GC: Y34H WHO 31SE. 

EB:where have you been?? 

EB: did you find vriska? 

GC: 1M NOT 1N TH3 MOOD FOR YOUR B1U3B3RRY-T1NG3D 2TUP1D1TY R1GHT NOW. 

GC:JU2T LOOK OUTS1DE3 

* * *


	2. an angel and her devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> two trolls appear in the begonias.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all! i made a lil june playlist if u'd like to hear it!!!  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2fr10JP58GrSxEYOSMJftQ

You rush to your window, and see two figures huddled by the begonias. You wonder if you should shower, shave, cut your hair, whatever, but you throw those thoughts out because IT’S FUCKING VRISKA. You don't even put on shoes when you rush to them, the wind rushing in your hair.

EB: TEREZI!!! 

She catches you as you run to her.

GC: CH1LL OUT YOU LOS3R. 

‘skinny, not as chubby as you remember, and she smells horrible. Vriska is lying on the ground, unconscious. She looks….terrible. Her hair is long, down to her knees almost, matted and dirty. Her clothes are the same ones she was wearing when you last saw her, too small, with the sleeves of her shirt ripped off.

EB: is….is she gonna be okay? 

Terezi looks tired, so tired. She still looks like a little girl, something both young and old about her  face.

GC: 1 

GC:1 DON'T KNOW. 

  1. GC: TO B3 HON3ST, D33P DOWN, 1 N3V3R THOUGHT 1D F1ND H3R.




GC: 1 4LW4YS THOUGHT TH4T IF SH3 W4NT3D TO B3 FOUND 

GC: 1 WOULD’V3 FOUND H3R 4 LONG T1M3 4GO. 

  1. GC: 4ND NOW




GC: 1 DON'T KNOW HOW TO F33L. 

Her red eyes tell you nothing, but her quivering lower lip and her scrunched up nose tells you more than her eyes ever could.

You don't know what to say. God, the months of social isolation really have taken a toll on your ‘good friend’ skills.

You decide ‘fuck it’ and take her wrist. Not her hand, that would be weird, but she grits her teeth, balling her fists up, but she doesn't make you let go.

EB: hey. 

EB: i… well 

EB: i could never understand the shit you've gone through. The- the pain this must have caused you. But… 

EB: if you want to scream, bitch and moan to me, then…. 

EB: well, i'd do anything to make you feel better. 

She doesn't move, just stares at vriska’s unconscious body. You hesitate, but let go of her wrist.

EB: you must be tired, heh. 

EB: well, my house is pretty empty right now, and i could use some company. Everyone would be happy to see you! 

She picks up vriska in one swoop, and your egbert grin almost falters, but you keep it up, because you need to be happy for her right now, and as you lead her inside you feel worse and worse, because god, you’re such a fucking fake and-

Okay, chill out, Egbert, this isn’t about you. You lead Trezi to the guest room, and she lays Vriska down with a gentleness you haven’t seen in her before. You realize you want to reach out and touch her, comfort her maybe. But from the look on her face and the tenseness of her body, you don't think that’s what she needs right now.

EB: you 

EB: you look like shit. 

She laughs, a raspy sound you haven't heard in years.

GC: YOU DON'T SM3LL TOO GR3AT YOURS3LF, 3GGY BOY. 

GC: WH4TS WRONG, B33N HOL3D UP IN TH3 OLD 3GG HOUS3 W4TCHING N1C C4G3 MOV13S 4ND CRY1NG 4BOUT YOUR W1F3 D1VORC1NG YOU? 

There she is. Good ole terezi.

EB: uuh, i actually haven’t watched Cage in a while. Makes me feel weird whenever i watch it now, hehe. 

She cocks her eyebrow at you as she sits on the bed, tucking a tendril of hair behind Vriska’s ear.

GC: D4MN, K1D, YOU LOOK….OLD. 

GC: THOUGHT YOU’D LOOK L1K3 4 PR3PUB3SC3NT BOY FOR3V3R. 

GC: LONG H41R SU1TS YOU. 

You like the idea of your hair suiting you, but the comment makes you feel weird. An okay sort of weird though. You stand up from the bed.

EB: hehe, thanks! 

EB: um, you look like you haven’t eaten in a while. 

EB: i don’t have a lot right now but, ummm…. 

EB: did alternia have gushers? 


	3. she floats like she's nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Trezi eat gushers in the kitchen

She’s ravenous.. She downs 5 packs of gushers in seconds, and you calmly watch her open her sixth. You missed this, being with another person.  
You look at her weird troll tongue as it curls around her teeth like a snake and, god, Egbert, you’re such a creep.  
She doesn't notice though, eating gushers and getting their slimy intestines all over her gob.

GC: FUCK TH3S3 4R3 D3L1C1OUS.  


EB: i know, right? I've been surviving off them for weeks.  


GC: H4H4 4ND YOU F33L L1K3 1T TOO.

She pokes your tummy with a sharp finger, scarfing down more grist-esqe polygons as she makes unintelligible noises. You laugh.

EB: so  


EB: what happened?  


EB: the last time i saw you, you….  


EB: well, where’d you find her?  


GC: 1 DONT R34LLY KNOW.  


GC: TH1S SOUNDS STUP1D, BUT  


GC: SH3 JUST 4PP34R3D.  


GC: 1T M4D3 M3 TH1NK OF 4N OLD TROLL14N STORY  


GC: OF 4 GODD3SS 4PP34R1NG FROM B3TW33N TH3 W4V3S OF TH3 OC34N.  


GC: L1K3 SH3 W4S B31NG BORN 4NEW.

You picture Vriska in the depths of space, floating peacefully on the waves of nothing. Tranquill, free of the rage that usually fills her. You decide you don’t like that picture. She’s better enraged than quiet and subdued.

EB: so… then what?  


GC: 1 PLUCK3D H3R FROM TH3 SKY, 4ND TH3N 1 R34L1Z3D 1D B33N S34RCH1NG FOR SO LONG 1 FORGOT WH3R3 HOM3 W4S, SO 1 FL3W WH1CH3V3R W4Y I F3LT GOOD 4BOUT.  


GC: 4ND 1 3ND3D UP H3R3.

She looks like she’s still lost up there. You can still see the reflection of stars in her eyes, and you want to reach out and hold her hand, and fuck, Egbert, this is stupid. She doesn't need your clammy palm against hers to feel better.

You should…  
Fuck, you don’t know.

You stay quiet, because you don’t know what to do. She doesn't need a funny guy right now. She doesn't need the trademarked Egbert Stupidity right now, and that’s all you know how to do.  
You pop a stray gusher into your mouth, feeling the syrup burst in your mouth.

You have a silly thought, that you are the gusher, and that life is the mouth, and you go to tell terezi, but she’s crying.

GC: 1 DON’T KNOW HOW I 3XP3CT3D 1 WOULD F33L.  


GC: H4PPY, 1 GU3SS.  


GC: SH3’S 3V3RYTH1NG, YOU KNOW.  


GC: BUT 1T’S TH1S B1TT3RSW33T F33L1NG.  


GC: 1 W4S STUCK UP TH3R3 SO LONG…..  


GC: SOM3T1M3S 1 FORGOT WH4T 1 W4S S34RCH1NG FOR.

You’re having a crisis of your own .

What do you feel? What are you supposed to feel right now? Should you comfort her? Make a joke?

EB: wow uhhh.  


EB: that  


EB: that really sucks.

Fucking hell egbert. You’re so fucking socially inept you can’t even comfort one of your oldest friends when she’s bawling in your kitchen.

Youre fucking pathetic.

Terezi wipes away her tears, seemingly calm now. She notices the dark look on your face and pokes your cheek

EB: hey!!  


GC: STOP MOP1NG, 1M OK4Y NOW.  


GC:1 DON’T KNOW WHY YOU GOT SO W31RD WH1L3 1 W4S 1N SP4C3  


GC: BUT 1T C4N’T B3 TOUGH SH1T 1F YOU’R3 ST1LL ST4ND1NG.  


GC: YOU’R3 GONN4 B3 F1N3, YOU LOS3R.

She gets up, presumably to go check on Vriska. She takes a look back at you, and grins.

GC: 4ND BY TH3 W4Y, YOU’D LOOK COOL W1TH YOUR H41R DOWN.


	4. stomache aches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John has a conversation with rose.

She’s back. You let that sink in.  
The girls you adored, you admired, are back.  
Are you happy?  
You are. Too happy. You want to shake Vriska awake in the next room and tell her how much you’ve missed her. You want to steal her jackets and joke with Terezi, but you cant. You can’t because you’re and adult, and the deep feeling in your gut would be gone, and you wouldn’t know what to do with out it.  
She likes your hair.  
She likes your hair.  
You roll that phrase over in your mind like a hard candy on your tongue, and your hand self-consciously touches your greasy ponytail.  
You un-tie your hair, shake it out.  
You walk over to the mirror you turned around when you moved in. you look...okay, better than usual. She’s right. You look nice.  
Your eyes do not stray from your face, because then, you will feel empty.  
What is this? This feeling, it feels like how you used to feel when you were little, when your dad made those tarts you really liked, and it felt safe, and you felt whole.  
You need to talk to rose.

EB: rose 

EB: can we talk 

TT. John. 

TT: How lovely to hear from you again. 

TT: Me and Kanaya have been watching Earth C’s Next Top Model, and I must say, Troll Tyra Banks giving a carpacian a mohawk is quite delightful. 

TT: But I’d love to talk to you. 

TT: It’s….been a while. 

You cringe at that. You haven’t seen Rose since you had tea at Consort Olive Garden a month ago.

EB: yeah, and im….sorry about that. 

TT: It’s okay, John. 

TT: What would you like to say? 

What would you like to say? How do you put this feeling into words?

EB: okay, so, i met an old friend i hadnt seen in forever. 

EB: and 

EB: shes been making me feel 

EB: weird. 

EB: she kinda….. dredges up old feelings, thoughts ive had but tried to push down. 

EB: she makes me feel 

EB: i don’t know 

EB: remember those times when you were little, and you were just oblivious? 

EB: only being upset by small things. 

EB: and…. Something else. 

TT: Love? 

EB: no, not really. 

EB: its more of a happiness. 

EB: like im reassured with myself, and…. 

EB: im okay. 

EB: i dont know. 

TT: A happiness? 

TT: Hm. 

TT: Would you say that it's like 

TT: A euphoria? 

Is that the word? Are you just in love, or is this something different? So many questions, and you’re so confused.

EB: uh, yeah, thats it. 

TT: Hm. 

TT: And who is the girl you speak of? 

EB: uuuuuuuh.. no one? 

You can imagine her eyebrow raising.

TT: Hmmm. 

TT: Curiouser and curiouser. 

TT: And tell me, John, is her name Vriska, percance? 

Damnit, she got you.

EB: Noooooooooo. 

EB: well, actually, it was Terezi and Vriska so you’re halfway right, but 

TT: Hold it. 

TT: They’re back? 

EB: uh, yeah. They just crashlanded in my garden.

You proceed to tell her every detail of the past two hours, because god, you're a sucker.

TT: And she said you’d look good with your hair down. 

TT: How did that make you feel? 

EB: uh, good I guess. And it does look good. 

TT: Does it bring back that feeling? That euphoria? 

EB: uh. 

EB: yeah 

EB: yeah it really does.

You tuck a lock of hair behind your ear. It feels good, brushing it out of your face. 

Are you gay? Are you some sort of trans gender?

You don’t want to be that. What would people think? What would your friends think?  
No. it’s just hair. It’s just stupid hair.

You turn your phone off. You don’t want to hear Rose’s response.

You clean up the remains of your gushers stash, when you hear a ruckus in the other room.

A tall, lanky lady kicks the door open and saunters over to you

AG: nice h8ir.


	5. ape shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dirk and vriska argue. Egbert contemplates going feral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone, if u like june art and stuff, you can head over to my twitter, I post art regularly there!  
> https://twitter.com/purgetheweak1
> 
> and thanks to the peeps at Will It Homestuck, y'all are awesome!!!

You see her, and you want to run into her arms, to touch her face and see if she’s really there. To smudge her lipstick and knock her glasses askew. You don’t though. 

Instead, you tentatively walk towards her.

EB: are 

EB: are you real?

She cackles, baring her fangs and throwing her head back. She opens her arms.

AG: why d8n’t you come find 8ut.

You say fuck it and run into her arms at full speed, knocking her over and leaving you two on the floor.  
She puts you in a headlock and mercilessly ruffles your hair, and god, is this how you used to feel? Happy with someone just being around you?  
Terezi comes over and kicks Vriska’s side, giggling.

GC: YOU GUYS 4R3 STUP1D. 

AC: th8t’s why you love me ::::) 

AC: c8n you get off me, Eggy, you’re crushing my bones. 

EB: oop, sorry.

You get up, and survey your old friend.  
Her hair is an absolute rats nest, matted and puffing out behind her. She’s still the grody and gross gal you used to know.

EB: i 

EB: i really missed you. 

AG: i could tell, l8l 

AG: you pestered me, like, every d8y with your s8ds8ck moping!!! 

EB: oh fuck 

EB: you read those? 

AG: uh, ye8h, only like, 8000 of them 

AG: your life is shit!!! 

EB: uh yeah, haha. 

EB: how was…. Whatever you were doing in paradox space? 

AG: ooooooooh yeah. 

AG: TH8T.

She stares at the ground, her fists clenching

AG: i lost. 

AG: I FUCKING L8ST!!!!!!!!

She punches a nearby wall.

AG: i h8d that green b8stard right in my hands. 

AG: and i lost. 

AG: i guess im gone in this timeline. 

AG: i’m just so fucking mad.

She turns to you.

AG: don’t you ever just 

AG: w8nt to go fucking psycho? 

AG: wreck shit, yell, feel your emotions in the moment?

You do. God you do. You want to break glass, throw a fit, let people know that you are here in the moment.

You just listen for now.

AG: it’s all that or8nge b8stard’s fault. 

AG: he fucks up everything, some glorified douchey weeb puppetmaster. 

AG: he fucked with me. 

AG: 8nd by the looks of it, he’s been fucking with you.

He hasn’t. Dirk is sitting idly in his apartment.

But…. is it his fault? This barrier in your brain, the misery of the past decade?

When you married Roxy. you had a moment where you thought, “this is not me. It never was.” but something pushed you.

Was that him?

Vriska smirks at you.

AG: i can see you swirling it *round your thinkpan. 

AG: we’re all puppets, Egbert. 

AG: no one is safe.

A puppet.

The thought enrages you.

You push it down . 

No you don’t. 

Yes you do. 

Shut the fuck up!!!! let me tell the godd8mn story. 

Stop being so vulgar. 

Ill stop being vulg8r when you stop looking like a shaved cat that got into the hair gel. 

You know you're ruining the story. 

Wh8t? Am i ruining the story by huwting your feewings? Is the little microphallus butthurt? 

No, egbert is supposed to be miserable for the next three years, then he runs for president, then- 

Bl8h bl8h bl8h we get it. You want Eggy here to be 8 miserable fucking layabout because his ectosibling w8s your reluct8nt fuckbuddy for years. 

That’s not it. 

Uh huuuuuuuuh. 

Fine, go the fuck ahead. 

Bye whore :::;)

You are mad. You are angry. You are FUCKING FERAL.

EB: thats 

EB: that fucking sucks!!!! 

EB: what an asshole!!! 

AG: doncha wanna go mad, Egbert? 

AG: doncha wanna just go ape shit??? 

EB: YEAH!!!!!!! 

===> go apeshit.


	6. reality is what you make of it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John, Vriska and Terezi flip their shit. John talks about identity.

You go apeshit.

Wind whips around the room as you, vriska, and terezi go absolute bonkers.

EB: FUCKING DICKWHISTLE SHITMUPPET COCKMUNCHER!!!!! BLOW MY FAT LOAD YOU ORANGE TINGED DUMPSTER FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!

Terezi and vriska are kicking things over, and you are shrieking at the top of your lungs.

EB: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT CANON!!! I DON’T GIVE A FUUUUUUUCK IF I DON’T EXIST!!!! LET ME BE ME, YOU- YOU CHUTNEY FERRET!!!!!!!! 

GC: L3T 1T OUT QU33N!!!!!!! 

EB: I AM A QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!

You are enraged. You don’t even know why. All the internal feelings that you had sealed away for so long well up in your stomach, and you feel the beautiful feeling that is pure rage.

You are over being a layabout. You are over being just the stupid funnyguy everyone laughs at. You are done being the punchline, the butt of the joke, the straight man.

You want to be a bitch, you want to fucking yell at everyone, cackle like a witch, take your clothes off and run wild in the woods.

You punch the wall. You punch the ceiling (Terezi lifts you up for that).

GC: 1’V3 N3V3R S33N YOU SO P1SS3D. GC: K1ND4 L1K3 1T .

You let out a primal shriek in response.

She grabs your middle and lifts you up. You thrash around, giggling maniacally. Joy and rage mix in your stomach as she twirls you around, Vriska cheering in the background.

You feel good.

Terezi puts you down, runs over to Vriska, and violently tries to kiss her, missing her mouth and smudging her lipstick.

You’re all laughing like hyenas, pissed off, yet seemingly content. Terezi and vriska stare at each other, deeply and with more weight that you could ever comprehend. They kiss, and you feel intrusive, but then you remember that you’re going to stop thinking that. You belong.  
_________________________________________________________________

The three of you lie down in the wreck of your too-big house. Terezi tentatively grabs Vriska’s hand, and Vriska holds it as if she will leave if she doesn’t.

EB: i think ive always been angry.

EB: but

EB: but i had to fit a role.

EB: like you know how there’s always the stupid guy, the guy everyone always has to correct, the

EB: well.

EB: i thought that was what my friends needed.

EB: and i realize that ive been playing a part all my life.

EB: like, my dad

EB: he always instilled on me this, like, heavy, sort of oppressive masculinity.

EB: and im

EB: i like some parts.

EB: like being nice to girls or whatever,but

EB: some parts i didn’t like, but i did anyway, cause i thought i had to.

EB: but hes gone.

EB: im sad he’s gone, for the most part….but

EB: i had a really bad thought, when he died

EB: that maybe, i didn’t have to be that.

EB: but

EB: the people around me

EB: kinda warped my perspective.

EB: i dont know.

EB: can i pick and choose?

EB: what i want to be?

EB: dirk…. For a while, dirk was moving me around.

EB: there’s this feeling that follows you, you know.

EB: after he moves you.

EB: a sort of

EB: deep feeling. Not unpleasant. The unpleasant thing is what he makes you do i guess.

EB: marrying roxy, having a kid, i didn’t want that.

EB: i mean, i love harry anderson. I love him to bits.

EB: but… if i had the choice, it would be different.

EB: i would be different.

AG: i remember th8t. AG: th8t feeling of h8ving to fit 8 role. AG: but this is life. AG: we m8y be ch8r8cters, but we c8n choose!!! AG: look, this is me, choosing to be here!!!! 

GC: R34L1TY 1S WH4T YOU M4K3 OF 1T. 

EB: i guess.

You think that if reality is what you make of it, then you're going to be angry, and you're going to call Dave and jade and rose and tell them you love them, and you're going to wear your hair in pigtails.

You're going to be like Vriska. Like Liv Tyler. 

You're…

You're...

You're going to stay the way you are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOOOO NOT D1RK!!!!


	7. ascension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> June comes to a realizatin.

You realize the change in him almost immediately. 

His eyes go dark, a cloudy gaze. He looks limp , and you know.

That orange faggot.

You shake him, gripping Terezi’s hand tightly.

AG: hey 

AG: hey, egbert!!! 

GC: WH4T’S WRONG? 

AG: dirk’s trying to suppress him. 

AG: come 8n, fight it!!! where’s the pissed off guy you were 8 couple moments ago????

⇒ John: feel the thread around your hands.

You are sad, miserable, a lothesome wreck. 

You should have never married roxy, never made such a bad decision- 

Hey, b8ck off!!!!!! 

Oh, not you again. 

Ye8h, me again!!!! J

ohn was out of line, you understand i had to keep relevance. 

No, i don’t underst8nd!!!!!! You become aware of the puppet strings around your wrists. 

You push it away because you are a depressed piece of mush. 

No. you dont!!!!!!! 

STOP ARGUING!!!!!!!!!!

⇒ J: become aware.

I become aware. 

I realize, and then i can't stop realizing. 

I sit up, and walk over to the mirror. It’s covered with a stray shirt, and i yank it off. I stare at the person in the mirror. It’s me. It’s always been me. 

I touch the mirror, and it’s warm, like a living thing. I can see the universe. I can see…..everything. 

My eyes are open and i can feel and see almost everything, an awareness never felt in my body before. I see my birth, my conception, the forming of my universe. 

I am not John anymore. 

I dont think i ever was. 

I turn to Terezi and Vriska. 

EB: i 

EB: i am free. 

Terezi grabs my hands. 

GC: DO YOU F33L 1T? 

I squeeze her hands. 

EB: yeah, i feel it. 

GC: GOD. 

GC: YOU 

GC: YOU LOOK N3WBORN. 

GC: FUCK1NG B4BY4SS LOOK1NG MOTH3RFUCK3R. 

EB: i feel new. 

EB: i 

EB: i am not john. Not anymore. Not for a while. 

She turns to Vriska. 

GC: YOU OW3 M3 20 BUCKS.

You laugh, and your laugh sounds prettier. Terezi seems to notice, and so does Vriska, because they stare at you.

AG: so 

AG: if you’re not j8hn, then who are you? 

EB: hmm. 

EB: well. 

EB: i dont have to figure it out now, do i? 

EB: ive got an eternity. 

EB: all i know is 

EB: if someone calls me ‘he’ again, im going to fucking flip. Vriska laughs. 

GC: SO WH4T 

GC: DO YOU W4NT TO B3 C4LL3D TH3Y OR- 

EB: she. 

EB: she feels good.

They smile at you, and you want to smooch them silly. It occurs to you that you’ve never wanted to do that before.

You remember moments. Little ones that you think shaped you. One specific memory pops into your head, and you grab on to it.

EB: june. 

EB: thats my name.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sit on the couch, smooshed in the middle of Vriska and Terezi, a new woman.

Vriska is sitting like a frat boy, legs splayed far apart, with one long arm draped around your shoulder. Terezi is taking up all of your personal space, arguing with Vriska about furry shit or whatever.

It pops into your head that maybe Dirk is controlling your friends. Rose could call you up right now to somehow put out the fire in your belly, or Dave could barge in and lay a sick beat on “wow look how lame June is!”

You should stop him

You're going to stop him.

EB: ladies 

EB: i think mr.tangerine shitfit mccuckbundle needs to be taken down a peg.

The three of you grin evily at each other.

GC: OK BUT 4FT3R D1NN3R C4US3 1 4M FUCK1NG ST444RV1NG.


	8. wholeness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk gets thrashed. June gets smooched

You’re sitting in your room, jerking it to my little pony or something when a gust of wind opens your window and you get your first taste of real air for the first time in three decades.

TT: Who is it? 

EB: WHO DO YOU FUCKING THINK IT IS, DIPSHIT????!!!! 

TT: Oh no.

Three women tumble into your room, cackling like hyenas. A grungy-looking gal with her hair shoddily chopped into a mullet-adjacent…..thing stomps over to you, a toothy grin on her face.

EB: what’s up, dirk? 

EB: wanking it off to Jake’s shitty movies??? 

EB: huh? Huh?

She jabs at your chest with a finger covered in chipped nail polish, while her co- conspirators egg her on.

TT: No. 

TT: I was researching for the next chapter of my fanfiction, Rainbow Corpse Blender- 

EB: Don’t care!!!!!!! 

EB: youve been awfully naughty, Mr. Dickwalrus, so we’ve come to teach you a little lesson!!!!

She grabs you by your shirt collar.

Now wait a minute. 

You all know that without me, you’d descend into the depths of obscurity. Without me, you’d be nonexistent by now. Your confusion is momentary, John, and soon you will realize the error of your ways- 

SHUT UP!!!!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!! YOU KNOW FULL FUCKING WELL YOU ARE JUST A L*ME, SCRAWNY MOTHERFUCKER WHO’S FRIENDS ALL LEFT HIM BECAUSE HE WAS GETTING TOO CONTROLLING!!!!! I H8 YOUR FUCKI8NG TRANSPHOBIC, MANIPULATIVE RHETORIC!!! H8 IT H8 IT H8 IT!!!!!!! 

SHE JUMPS UP AND DOWN CAUSE SHE IS REALLLY FUCKING PISSED, AND THE STUPID SCRAWNY MANCHILD BOUNCES UP AND DOWN ON THE FLOOR!!!!!!! 

EB: I AM THE ONE 1N POW3R NOW!!!!!!! 1 4M 1N CONTROL!!!! 

EB: YOU C4NT T8KE THAT 4WAY STR1DER!!! YOU CAAAAAAANT!!!

One of the women in the corner rushes over and gives you a good slug, and the other one licks your face, then bops you square on the head. They’re laughing wildly, and you see something animalistic in their eyes, and you think that you couldn't reason with them if you tried.

TT: This is bullying!!! 

AG: th8t’s the point, dumb8ss!!!!!

They pepper you with insults as the teal-blooded one pulls out a lighter and sets your bed on fire.

John (or, you guess, June now) dances in the wind to music you can’t hear, as her friends kick you in the stomach and set your various possessions alight.

You wonder how you didn't see this coming. You guess that no one can predict everything, not even you. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------  
You, Vriska, and Terezi sit in the ruins of Dirk’s apartment.

You're listening to shitty rap music on your old Ipod touch, jostling each other and cackling at shitty jokes.

Dirk is long gone, probably off to hide under a rock somewhere and finish his gore clopfic in peace, but you don’t care. You’re vibing.

EB: god, 1s th1s what go1ng ult f33ls l1ke? 

EB: 1 f33l, l1ke, at home and sh1t. 

AGAG: heh, you’re not 8lone.

Terezi licks your hair.

GC: 1 TH1NK W3 D1D 4 PR3TTY GOOD JOB ON YOUR H41R 

GC: GO1NG FOR TH4T W33DWH4CK3R 43STH3T1C 

GC: HOT

You shove her, giggling, but her hands stay on you. You look into the red void that is her eyes, and you think that she looks better than ever.

She turns to Vriska, and you can tell they're having some sort of telepathic conversation because when they're done, Vriska turns to you with a look of….. You don’t know.

AGAG: june 

EB: y3ah? 

AGAG: you’re GC: YOU’R3 R34LLY FUCK1NG PR3TTY.

You laugh, thinking it’s some shitty joke, but they look serious. You blush.

EB: uuuuh 

EB: thanks 

EB: 1 th1nk your pr3tty too 

AGAG: m8y i 

AGAG: m8y i kiss you? 

GC: H3Y 1 W4NT3D TO GO F1RST

You’re taken aback. These girls want to kiss you, the ones you've looked up to since you were 13?

EB: uh y3ah. 

EB: sur3.

And she kisses you. 

It’s awful and sloppy, and at one point, her tongue goes up your nose, but it's Vriska. You're kissing Vriska.

You break away, and she laughs, because you have blue lipstick from your chin to your nose.

AGAG: fuck, i kind8 suck 8t th8t lol. 

GC: MY TURN!!! 

GC: TH4T 1S, 1F YOUR3 COOL W1TH 1T. 

EB: fuck y3ah!!!!!

She sucks at it too, and she bites your lip a little too hard and her tongue is huge, but you’re okay with that.

You wipe the massive amounts of drool from your face grinning like an idiot.

You feel something sacred, something completing you.

You are the wind, free and beautiful.

EB: cmon l3ts go g3t som3 burg3rs, 1m starv1ng bro. 

GC: FUCK Y34H 

AGAG: le8d the w8y, i dont know shit 8bout this planet.

You are whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, thanks for reading my fic!  
> if you like art and shitposts, follow my twitter!!  
> https://twitter.com/purgetheweak1


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